Life has been busy for the past week or so. My weekends are usually busy and next weekend is no exception. It's Whistler with the girls and then a wedding to attend the night that I come home. I don't have time to myself, except when I'm sleeping. I guess that's okay, it beats being alone all the time.
I went on an impromptu trip to Whistler earlier this month with Paolo. It was nice to get away for a few days and I loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee getting manicures and pedicures!!! The spa at the Westin; Avello Spa, let me keep the nail polish too!!! The Vital Spa at the Pan Pacific is nice as well, but they don't let you keep the nail polish. I guess it's because Vital uses OPI and Avello Spa has their own line of nail polish.
I haven't blogged in a while ... life is okay. I feel happy at times, but I feel miserable the rest of the time. I wonder if anyone has caught on yet. The people that I told don't count ...
I'm kind of dreading this BBQ that I have to go to .. it always ends up in a fight. It's only his friend's parties do we have big fights. I'm not emotionally strong enough to deal with things right now. I'm focusing on myself right now; I know what I have to do, but I just can't.
It seems like all those "I love you", "You're the one" and "I promise to love you forever" don't have any significance anymore.
You know that gut feeling that you have telling you something is wrong, but you ignore it and then it blows up in your face? I have that feeling right now.
I feel so confused right now because I have no idea where to go from here. Where do we go from here? Nothing was solved, but we're still together. I have a feeling that we're just going to ignore this problem and this whole situation is going to happen again. We'll break up, you'll pack up my stuff, drive to my house, talk about how this can be solved and make up. I don't want to be in a relationship where we do that. This is the second time that we have done this cycle, it seems to happen every 12 months.
I have also come to face the fact that I'll be sticking around so I make an effort to talk. Honestly, I'm 20 years old and I need to talk. I can't be shy around these people forever. I kept quiet for a while because I didn't think that I'd be around this long. I hate being socially awkward all the time, I need a class to be less awkward or something.
I'm emotionally tired sometimes and I feel like shutting out everyone.
I've been laying on the couch for the past 4 days and I don't have a single thought whatsoever. I've been rotting my brain by watching Jon & Kate Plus 8, Little People, Big World, and what was recorded on my PVR. I finally watched the rest of GA; and I'm excited to watch the new season!!!
The only constructive thing that I've thought about was about how slow I am at getting my undergrad. I only have 46 credits (hopefully 43 if I can withdrawal from philosophy) and I need 120 credits to graduate from SFU. It seems like everyone is graduating on time and I'm just watching everyone pass by. Then again, it's my fault that I'm not graduating as quickly as everyone. I do take 3 courses per semester and I take the summer semester off. So every year I only accumulate 18 credits a year. I honestly don't know what I want to do after I graduate which could attribute to the reason why I'm so hesitant to take more courses. I've been telling people that I want to work for the government, but what am I suppose to do with a criminology degree?? Well I do, but most of it acquires more schooling and law school is really competitive. Maybe I'll get a Masters and become a CSI detective. I have no idea. I wish that I was following my resume goal to get a CA designation. That was the goal when I was in grade 10. I just want to make enough money to be able to live in Vancouver/Burnaby comfortably, get married, have kids and be happy.
I'm so bored at home, I can't go to work because I have the hardest time sitting down for long periods of time and I have trouble walking. I haven't been out since Monday to get some medicine from London Drugs and I get to go out tomorrow to see the doctor. I can't wait to feel better, I swear that I'll eat more fruits and vegetables!!! I was on a 5 day red meat free diet until today .. but I ate veggies and fruits today. And I need to get more physical activity. I just saw Melissa Joan Heart's body and she looks damn good!!!
Every time I read those entries, I get upset. Why do I keep reading them if they make me upset? So I know what it feels like to be in that position again, knowing that I could be single all over again.
I managed to confirm that those things that Paolo did with other people were actually with her during our lovely trip to Seattle this weekend. In reality, I can't do shit about it besides get upset and ask why he didn't remember this when I asked what he did with her. I don't even know her and I want to punch her in the ovaries. I wonder where I'd be right now if I was single, I guess I'll never know. I just wish that he'd be more considerate when bringing up things that he did with her. This is why I wish I dated around before I started going out with Paolo.
P.S. I'm never going to be happy.
I hate having an infection in my airways. I haven't been outside this house since Tuesday.
Let's give some background as to why I was at VGH. I was at a baby shower for a co-worker of mine. We had dinner at Top Gun hot pot which was fine because we went out the month before. However, my co-workers ordered Satay broth which has peanuts in it. I didn't know until my co-worker asked if it was too hot for me because it was a satay. At that point the explained the swollen lip I had and proceeded to take Benedryl at 6:30 pm. After that the people at the restaurant replaced the broth pot with a new one and we started over. I felt okay after that but I didn't eat a whole lot afterwards. My friend drove me home and I started to feel nauseous at that point. I went home and tried to throw up but that didn't work. At that point I started to have trouble breathing and became wheezey. I text messaged Paolo at 9:27 pm telling him that I was feeling really sick. So I thought about going to bed early to sleep it off because that's what I usually do if I'm not feeling well. But for some reason I went to see my mom and my mom said we had to go to the hospital right away because my whole face was swollen.
It took less than 5 minutes to be admitted after the 2 person line up in front of me. Once I got a bed, 2 nurses were already working on me with an IV with saline, a shot of Benedryl, a dosage of epipherine (adrenaline) and oxygen to help me breathe. I started to feel really nauseous all the sudden from the Benedryl and started to cough uncontrollably for about 30 seconds. The 2 nurses and doctor and everyone else that could see me were looking ... at least that's what I saw before I started to cough. According to my mom there were 4 people working on me ... I didn't count the guy because he didn't do a whole lot, but I guess because this was severe case it's better to have more people helping. At this point my heartbeat was at 180 and the doctor said that my body was trying to compensate from the anaphylactic attack that I was having. Later on it went to 150 and then down to 116. The epipherine made my heart race too, so that was freaky. I think my face and my upper half of my body was all red from rashes, my lips were still swollen and my eyes were swollen too. After about an hour, my face started to go back to normal, but I can still notice that my eyes are a bit puffy.
I'm still kind of drowsy from the Benedryl and I still need to study .. I'm glad that this didn't happen today or else I'd be fucked. So lessoned learned, ask what's in the broth ... and no more hot pot for me.
It's been a long time since I've truly blogged, and I'm taking time now since I'm suppose to be studying to blog. =)
Last Saturday (March 28th) Sam and I headed downtown to the free Juno festivities that were put on. The people that I remember seeing are City & Colour, The Stills, The Sam Robert's Band and ... that's all that I can remember. I wonder how much those Juno shirts are going for now =P.
75% of my week was spent studying ... I don't think I've spent so much time for "prep" studying as I have this semester. I didn't study on Thursday, Friday or Today. I'll buckle down tomorrow, but it's a little difficult because my AC Adapter for my laptop is FUBAR. I'm glad that their phone lines are 24/7 and I have a new adapter on it's way. I had to order a new invoice because I can't find the one that came with the laptop. Plus I wasn't sure when my warranty was over, but I'm good until 2012 =) I think after this laptop, I'll be getting a Macbook ... those things are the sex!
Today, I met up with Paolo, we went to UBC's Museum of Antropology, I'm glad admission is $6 because there isn't a whole lot to see, unless a lot of the exhibit was outside. It was too cold to go out there!!! After that we headed off the Cactus Club to eat because I haven't eaten all day except for a few crackers and cheese ... it was 2 pm at this point!!! The food was super good, but then Paolo had an attack. I feel so helpless when he has them ... I literally just sit there and watch him in pain. We headed off to VGH which was less than 5 minutes away and left a little after 6 pm. The night ended early and I've been typing some of my notes for my phil class.
After my finals, I'm going to DOT. desserts ... I've been craving their parfaits since February ... I was suppose to go there today, but obviously that didn't happen. I think this would be a nice place for Sameghan to go!
I was reading Matt's blog and the first line of his blog reminded me that my grandma died 10 years ago today. A lot has changed in the past 10 years. I never kept my promise to stay in Chinese school nor have I dated a Chinese dude. Neither of which do I find really important to me anymore. Well maybe the school part because my Cantonese sucks ass.
I'm still at school studying away ... go me!
