I've managed to cancel 2 training sessions because of emergencies (a super sick dog and someone breaking into the car) ... I feel flabby again. =(
Please realize that every time you argue, it effects me too. It puts my mind and body into more stress.
Well screw homework ... I'm going out.
It's over for real this time, which means two and a half years spent with Paolo is over. We've been running into problems for a while and there was no point of holding on once I started to lose feelings for him. I knew I'd fall out of love, but I just didn't know when it would happen.
Problems began June 17 when we "broke up" the first time around, however the fact that we loved each other was enough for him to convince me to stay. Things have been shaky ever since and things felt even worse when we went away to Ucluelet two weeks ago. Since then, I've been slowly backing myself away ... and I felt awkward around Paolo. Every time Paolo would show affection towards me, I'd second guess him and question why he was doing this after he told me he felt less attracted to me.
If you asked me a year ago if I wanted to marry Paolo, I would've jumped and said, "YES!" Now I hope that Paolo won't ask me to marry him whenever we go away. I was so in love with him and I wish I enjoyed it more than I did. I still love him, but not as much.
I started to cry earlier, but when I called Paolo to see when he'd drop off my stuff he said he was busy. The tone didn't make me to happy, so I stopped crying and decided that I don't need him. This is a new chapter in my life and I will be happier.
I don't think all these dreams of infidelity is a good thing.
My co-worker brought up the good point that you shouldn't marry your first. You'll never know what you missed out on, you don't know if the guy that you're with is better than everyone else.
"If you don't think he's the one, he's probably not."
Well this isn't going to work out. Sucky deal.
I'm getting my first pair of glasses next week. Yeppp, I'm getting glasses. I've been getting headaches and squinting a lot. I saw the optometrist on Wednesday and he said that I don't need to get glasses, but could if I wanted to. I only need them to see in big lecture halls (C9001 at SFU anyone?) or if I'm driving at night. I also have astigmatism in my right eye ... and my right eye is the weaker one.
The last couple of days have been horrible, I have the flu AND bronchitis. I was not feeling that great when I woke up on Thursday, I had to drag myself out of bed. I had to wear an extra jacket on the way to work because I had the chills. I was sweating even though I was freezing and it sucked. I eventually went home at lunch because I was sweating and starting to feel really hot. Thirty minutes later I got back to bed with the chills, that was not fun. When I woke up I felt better, figuring it was a twenty-four hour flu/cold. WRONG. At around 7 pm, I started to feel super hot, but my family kept telling me that it was hot. I don't think it was that hot to have your clothes soaked in sweat ... I felt like I was going to overheat. Oh, all throughout the day I had a throbbing headache that got worse at night. Tylenol Cold doesn't work for me anymore. =(
Friday morning I felt better, just slightly. I missed out on work again because I still felt like a pile of crap. I started to have trouble breathing, which started to freak me out because this is how I felt with my peanut allergy earlier this year. I went to the doctor and found out that I have the flu and bronchitis. The flu made my immunity low so I got bronchitis, so that explained a lot. It was kind of embarassing when he was listening to me breathe because I was super hot again and I was sweating like a pig. Everything was soaked, even my bra.
Today has been okay, I'm missing on a stagette since I don't want to get anyone sick, especially the bride since it's less than a month until her big day. My back is giving me a lot of trouble...
I'm bored. I'm bored. I'm bored.
When I was a young blogger, I never understood why people didn't blog everyday. Now I understand why; when you have a life it's difficult to "schedule" time to blog. There's also the issue with privacy; how much do I want to share with people who visit my site. If I wanted you to know I would've have told you by now. I always found that my blog was a way for me to vent out my feelings and now I feel that I have to censor myself, especially since my boyfriend visits here once and again. It's obvious that those strange short posts are about our relationship, free cookies to those who figured that out before I said this.
I'm just going to blog in no particular order since I don't know where to start.
- I've been trying to exercise lately and I don't seem to be losing any weight, in fact I'm gaining weight. It's been 2 years since I've started SFU, but I'd like to blame the freshmen 15. I feel better since I'm actually eating breakfast, plus it's only been a month. I don't have patience for this weight loss thing and people tell me liposuction is not the answer. *sigh* I even bought off "Walk Off Weight" from Prevention, so I'm really desperate to get my pre-relationship weight. I don't feel as attractive to Paolo anymore because of it, sucky.
- I've been trying to save up money this summer, but that was pushed back because of New York, Washington and Seattle. Now I'm trying to save half (or more) of my pay cheque so I can afford that nice poofy wedding dress that I've always wanted and a house. I'm even subscriping to Cosmo which will save me ~$30 a year; go me!
- I'm okay with cutting people out of my life, is that a bad thing? There are people in my life that I keep in touch with because I went to high school with them. I've moved on with my life and I'm okay with that. I didn't like high school, boys didn't like me when I liked them! I feel super comfortable around the friends that I have now and I can finally be myself. There are SOME people I do like from high school, but not a whole lot.
- My eye sight has gone to shit lately. So I get to see an optomologist next week to get it checked. It's been 5 years since I've seen one!!!
- I want a new camera, I fell in love with the Canon SD780 because it's all in black. Things that are pure black = super sexe. I don't need it, I want it ... I wish money grew on trees.
- *sigh* I miss my boyfriend. Most couples see each other three or four times a week, in some cases they see each other everyday. I see Paolo once or twice a week for now since he's in school, but I took the summer off to hang out with him. I sort of feel like I should've taken summer semester. (Paolo, don't feel guilty for being smart and for going to school).
Life has been busy for the past week or so. My weekends are usually busy and next weekend is no exception. It's Whistler with the girls and then a wedding to attend the night that I come home. I don't have time to myself, except when I'm sleeping. I guess that's okay, it beats being alone all the time.
I went on an impromptu trip to Whistler earlier this month with Paolo. It was nice to get away for a few days and I loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee getting manicures and pedicures!!! The spa at the Westin; Avello Spa, let me keep the nail polish too!!! The Vital Spa at the Pan Pacific is nice as well, but they don't let you keep the nail polish. I guess it's because Vital uses OPI and Avello Spa has their own line of nail polish.
I haven't blogged in a while ... life is okay. I feel happy at times, but I feel miserable the rest of the time. I wonder if anyone has caught on yet. The people that I told don't count ...
I'm kind of dreading this BBQ that I have to go to .. it always ends up in a fight. It's only his friend's parties do we have big fights. I'm not emotionally strong enough to deal with things right now. I'm focusing on myself right now; I know what I have to do, but I just can't.
