Life has been busy for the past week or so. My weekends are usually busy and next weekend is no exception. It's Whistler with the girls and then a wedding to attend the night that I come home. I don't have time to myself, except when I'm sleeping. I guess that's okay, it beats being alone all the time.
I went on an impromptu trip to Whistler earlier this month with Paolo. It was nice to get away for a few days and I loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee getting manicures and pedicures!!! The spa at the Westin; Avello Spa, let me keep the nail polish too!!! The Vital Spa at the Pan Pacific is nice as well, but they don't let you keep the nail polish. I guess it's because Vital uses OPI and Avello Spa has their own line of nail polish.
I haven't blogged in a while ... life is okay. I feel happy at times, but I feel miserable the rest of the time. I wonder if anyone has caught on yet. The people that I told don't count ...
I'm kind of dreading this BBQ that I have to go to .. it always ends up in a fight. It's only his friend's parties do we have big fights. I'm not emotionally strong enough to deal with things right now. I'm focusing on myself right now; I know what I have to do, but I just can't.
It seems like all those "I love you", "You're the one" and "I promise to love you forever" don't have any significance anymore.
You know that gut feeling that you have telling you something is wrong, but you ignore it and then it blows up in your face? I have that feeling right now.
I feel so confused right now because I have no idea where to go from here. Where do we go from here? Nothing was solved, but we're still together. I have a feeling that we're just going to ignore this problem and this whole situation is going to happen again. We'll break up, you'll pack up my stuff, drive to my house, talk about how this can be solved and make up. I don't want to be in a relationship where we do that. This is the second time that we have done this cycle, it seems to happen every 12 months.
I have also come to face the fact that I'll be sticking around so I make an effort to talk. Honestly, I'm 20 years old and I need to talk. I can't be shy around these people forever. I kept quiet for a while because I didn't think that I'd be around this long. I hate being socially awkward all the time, I need a class to be less awkward or something.
I'm emotionally tired sometimes and I feel like shutting out everyone.
